My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
