He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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