after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
