Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
