turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
