If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro