Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
