I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
