I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
