while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
