I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
