I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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