Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
