my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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