Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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