peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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