He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
