you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
