we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
