It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
