i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
