I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
