He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
