You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
