NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
