Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
