Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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