my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.