Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
