Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
