I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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