the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
