I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
