Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
