Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
