Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
