I just made out with a guy for $7.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
