dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
