I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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