You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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