About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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