I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
