There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
