What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I party with great urgency now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize