you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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