Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
