I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I still have a little drunk in my system
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
