Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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