my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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