Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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