Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im six kinds of drunk right now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
