i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
