I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
