God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
