I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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