Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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