i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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