yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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