Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize