Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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