worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
