How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
