I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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