why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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