So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
