ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
