there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
