I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
