please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
