Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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