I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are the jesus of drinking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
